Things i did while not starting my 1500 word english paper:

- Made a depressing trip to the grocery store; bought seven different kinds of ramen, other assorted fucked-up processed foods
- Watched 2.5 episodes of The L Word
- Tried to cook some potatoes, ended up filling the entire house with gas, spent a large amount of time trying to figure out how to resolve said gas problem, and wondered what exactly i'd do if my entire body was on fire
- Ate some Vanilla Honey Bee Haagen Dazs ice cream, twice (divine)
- Got yelled at by Rachel for not finding someone to housesit pet mouse while house is rid of guest mice
- Felt sick, probably from ice cream/salsa dinner
- Reread about four pages of one of the stories i'm suppose to write about
- Realized how lonely it is living in my house
- Played with blogger while pulled out stray leg hairs with tweezers

My Thursdays are packed, sorry.

I'd love to go to your geology lecture, but, have you heard, it's at 9:30 am? I've got "be passed out hardcore in bed" for just about then.

Followed by "eat a free vegetarian lunch" and "play music for other slackers."

Gonzo

Plans to lead adventuresome, Hunter S. Thompson inspired indulgent-yet-productive life:
1. Get a computer with a functioning “delete” key
2. Finish arting out the car
3. Go on roadtrips in said car
4. Equip oneself with proper protection – may have to train to use knives, since handheld tranquillizer idea failed to pan out
5. Have money, but not too much money
6. Take drugs, but not too many drugs
7. Read. Write. Take pictures. Pay attention.

David Sedaris

Tonight I drove to Kansas City to meet David Sedaris and get my copy of his new book signed. After five hours of waiting, I was face to face with one of my major writing influences, one of my favorite writers. During the five hours prior to this moment, I envisioned what the encounter would be like. I knew he was spending a few minutes with each and every person who came to the book signing, which explains how I was still there past midnight. This amount of time with each reader left me with high expectations of the encounter. Two or three minutes was ample time to impress Mr. Sedaris. And a few extra minutes more, after I’d earned his special interest, would be all it’d take for me to get his address, and send him a manuscript. He’d ask me about the other books I had cradled in my arms, and I’d explain how I’m an avid reader, how I have to lie to my parents about where my money goes, often sarcastically claiming that I’m spending it on hard drugs. We’d laugh over my lies and his truths. Then I’d slip in how I’m also an aspiring author, an essayist in fact How I find him incredibly influential in my writing, and how I’m in debt to him for opening the door for essays into the minds of the common reader. “People now know about real essays because of you,” I’d say emphatically. He’d respond something like “You’re really passionate about this, my dear.” He’d ask me about my work, and I’d casually mention that I’m a published writer, not just some overexcited youngster. At this point the people left behind me in line would start to shift on their feet and grumble, but David (we’d already be on first name basis) wouldn’t mind. He’d be excited about discovering a diamond in the rough, his young female protégé. He’d understand that we are kindred spirits, we are both writers, we have a deeper understanding of each other than these other overgrown bookish fangirls. I’d give him my thoughts on his writing style, and he’d be impressed at my intuition. He’d offer to read my work, and I’d be coy, saying it’s nowhere near ready for his prestigious eyes. But he’d insist. He’d give me his home address, insisting I self-address the envelopes to be sure that he’d actually open them, rather than pass them off to Hugh to deal with. I’d walk off, books signed, with an even more important handwritten note than the rest of the wannabes lined up at Rainy Day Books. I would be the next best thing.
Instead I nervously approached the table, handed Mr. Sedaris my books, and waited for him to open up the cover of the first one and ask, “So you’re Cara, right?” He asked about the books I was cradling, and I gave a shitty description of Anne Fadiman’s Rereadings, not even mentioning that she was my other favorite essayist, or even that I am an essayist, until he got to Katie’s copy, and I explained how we are both writers. We talk about Miranda July, another one of the author’s I’m holding. “Did you get that book because of my recommendation?” he asked. “No?” I wow him with my knowledge of his every word. He explains that he’s been informally promoting the book. He tells me his favorite story, and I’m not even familiar with the book enough to remember what he said. I just nod my head, and say “yeah,” like the eloquent young intellectual I am. “Have you seen her movie?” Another yeah. “All other movies don’t get art right, but that one does,” he explains, talking about the choosing of the pictures of emails for the art gallery. I deeply wish I had bought a copy of the DVD this weekend at Hastings and prepared myself for this discussion. Unimpressed with my ability to discuss a. literature and b. movies by author/artist/actresses, David Sedaris smiles, tells me it was nice to meet me, and pushes the books back across the table.
I get in the car and look in the insides of the books. In Katie’s he wrote “I’ve heard such good things about you.” In mine, “I’m so happy you can walk.”

Slovenly Hovel

There may end up being another video from spring break (the dallas half) but, i wouldn't count on it. However, the video-ish blog lives on, never fear. I'm not going to start another blog, write in it for a week, and then abandon it again, like almost every other one outside of the infamous xanga.

However, i do kinda want to keep up doing videos about my mundane everyday life, for several reasons.
- i want more than just one real person (thanks, greg) to subscribe to my videos on youtube.
- making videos will help me improve my speech patterns so i sound less like a valley girl and more like a refined intellectual
- i want to love all sense of privacy in favor of regaining internet popularity
- i want to develop a speaking voice that suits my writing voice, the sort of thing David Sedaris or Ira Glass has mastered. I want to be able to speak in an eloquent, writerly way (even if that does mean scripting)

So, first video of the non-travel diary era - about break aftermath.

Book Reviews

Okay, i'm going to lay off the videos for a while. I tried to do a few today in Dallas except that all i've done is sit in bed in two different sets of pajamas reading and eating waffles. Plus, i'm much more comfortable writing, mostly because i sound less like an airhead and more like someone amusing and worth knowing. And most of all, i really don't feel as though i can top "I've been transported straight to Copenhagen."

Since i've done so much reading lately (re: i've managed to finish two books that i've been reading since January), i thought i'd review what i've finished and put it out on the internet for the good of all mankind.

Haunted by Chuck Palaniuk

So many people have raved about good ol' Chuck to me that when i found a signed copy of his latest novel lying around Borders last summer i picked it up, thinking that i'd found something of immense value.  However, upon finishing the book, i'm of the opinion that Haunted isn't even worth the paper it's printed on, with or without author's signature.  I was a little bit wary of the idea to begin with, a writing a collection of short stories authored by a collection of fictional writers, because it presents the pretty daunting task of not only developing 20 or so characters but developing corresponding writing styles for each of them.  Not only does Palaniuk completely disregard the latter issue, but he doesn't even manage to create memorable characters.  Part of this may be because i read the novel over two months, but by the end of the book not only did i have no connection to any of the survivors of the writers retreat gone awry,i didn't even remember most of them, and was just hoping that Palaniuk would finish meaninglessly killing off his underdeveloped characters and get the book over with.  To add to this mess, Palaniuk includes formulaic and just flat out awful poems about each of his characters, proving that he has no hidden writing talent in other genres.  Once the catastrophe of a novel is over, good ol' Chuck leaves you with an afterward that should be called "Chuck Palaniuk on the best horror novelist ever, Chuck Palaniuk."  I loved the movie Fight Club, but i almost feel dirty and disgusted now that i know that its success helps Palaniuk masturbate his ego.

Play the Piano Drunk Like a Percussion Instrument Until the Fingers Begin to Bleed a Bit by Charles Bukowski

I know just about as much about Bukowski as i know about poetry in general - basically nothing - but, from what i've read (this book) he sound's like a pretty cool guy to hang out with, although i've heard he's an asshole (thanks, Modest Mouse).  I kind of like assholes though.  But I digress.  I know nothing about poetry, except for a few casual run ins with things that were a. Shel Silverstein, b. way over my head, or c. just really boring, so i'm not exactly in a place to review it.  Bukowski has made me feel immensely better about poetry, though.  His poetry sounds like something a real person might write, not some ethereal being.  I really enjoyed reading this, a few pages every few hours or days.

Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris

And to think i called myself an essay-enthusiast without ever reading any Sedaris.  I liked Me Talk Pretty One Day, but there's something about the way the stories are written that makes them feel like spoken word transcribed, and to be honest, i rather hear David Sedaris read them than read them silently myself.  I had heard "Picka Pocketoni" on This American Life a while ago, and i think that's part of what made the story one of my favorites from the volume - something about Sedaris' voice, the way he pauses for effect, the intonation of his voice just adds to his writing so much that it seems weaker on the page once you've heard him.  Luckily, Sedaris is going to be in Kansas City this summer, and if i can do anything about it, i'm going to be there.