Placing a mirror behind a desk is not conducive to working, Charleston Place Hotel, unless my thesis, or rather, this thesis-distraction blog post were on what types of lighting suit the contours of my face, how to tilt my head just right so that my eyes don't look so deep-seated and tired. Cigarettes and and hitting the sheets at seven a.m. are not treating me nicely. I should stop both, but really I'll just cut back - 3 am a night, 2 cigarettes a day. It's settled.
Against Miley Cyrus's incredibly astute advice for America's youth, I'm documenting the shit out of my life lately, and in turn I'm living it more, not less - although I guess playing sports "or something" might do me some good. I'm going out and seeing more of the people that will soon be out of my grasp; I'm getting on planes and crossing the country on a monthly basis; I'm putting miles on my car and I'm never home on the weekends. I've filled paperback moleskin notebooks with musings and scenes, fleeting thoughts and undeveloped projects. Scraps that I'll never do anything with: "luxury is hiring a cab just to sleep in the backseat," "at half-squint, my eyes look like pheasants," "all the women in this paragard brochure are wearing wedding rings - intentional?" I've written reviews of contributors to NPR's voices, talking about Maureen Corrigan's crisp, appley c's; I'm cataloguing podcasts, treating them like advice from well-respected mentors. I'm going out, noticing more, caring less; I'm reevaluating the standards I've evaluated my life by these past, oh, 17 years, and I think(?) that's okay.
But as much as I'm writing, or taking notes, or rambling, or really whatever you call all this incessant journaling, margin-scribbling, and post-it note sticking, nothing beats having something polished and public. Which is why I want to come back to this, even if it's slowly and scarily becoming more public with every person who mentions they've seen it. Even if almost all I can write are transcripts of therapy sessions and barely inconspicuous love letters. Even if I can't seem to ever make this thing cohesive. As good as raw is, complete and concise are nice, too. More polish, more editing, more.
3 comments:
i always look forward to your blog posts my friend. i was not disappointed by this one.
I second Alexis. :)
I said "YES!" out loud and did a blogging fangirl fist pump.
Your writing is...I don't have adjectives for it, because I'm not as talented a writer as you, but I've been wanting it for a long time. More please.
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