That feeling you get when your boyfriend turns you down for sex in the bathroom at the Memphis International Airport

A few days ago you asked your boyfriend how fast he could orgasm. “That’s like asking someone ‘how bad of a meal can you cook?’” he quipped.

With some mental and possibly physical preparation: 3-5 minutes.

So here you are in Memphis International Airport on an hour and a half layover. You’re walking down Concourse B when you see not one, but two family-style private bathrooms along a tiny hall.

Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding! “You wouldn’t even have to risk being found out, because no one would ever be standing in line for your specific bathroom, they’d just cycle through the other one. Perfect cover.”

The whole reason you want to have sex in the Memphis International Airport is not because you feel some intense lust that starts quivering in your loins and then rattles your brain into a sex madness powerful enough to yank someone into a private corner and cover them in bodily fluids -  it is because Tennessee is an island surrounded by a sea of states you and your boyfriend have yet to have sex in. It’s to color in another state on a map.

So it’s a little ridiculous that when your boyfriend responds “Ehh, I’m just not feeling that sexy right now,” that you immediately leap to the conclusions that you are no longer sexy enough to demand impromptu sex in moist public bathrooms, and that “maybe if I was someone new you’d go for it.”

And then you realize that you’ve just emotionally blackmailed your boyfriend over a sex game - something that, if the genders were reversed, you’d katana a guy’s dick off over. 

It was that easy to be so wrong.