Things I Have Learned in Europe, by Cara

1: I am an elitist bitch who does not know how to get along.  

1a. I have been reported as saying "I didn't cross the Atlantic to vomit in foreign gutters."

1b. But really, is classy too much to ask?  And by class I mean not pouring olive oil onto your paper placemat and then dipping your bread in it.  I don't know where you're from, but this is Europe, and we have plates and words to ask for them.  "Vorrei un piatto, per favore," to be exact.

2: I like gin and tonics.  But preferably not at 5 euro a pop.  And that's during happy hour.

3: Octopuses have beaks.  Also are probably scary.  But I will dive in, with a butchering knife! With courage!  And with a repressed gag reflex.